We’ve been testing products lately at Bisousweet, and it’s not good. At all. It’s the only time I really struggle being a pastry chef, surrounded by sugar & butter. I’ve been trying really hard to eat healthfully and have been happily cooking away at night. I’m trying more new recipes than ever before and diligently ‘spiralize’ my zucchini, rutabaga, jicama and carrot before I go to work so I have something nutritious to eat for lunch. I’ve been exercising too more than ever before as I gear up for the half marathon I’m doing in May and the B2VT ride I’m going to attempt to do a couple of weeks after the half marathon.

And then, we have to go and make these Maple Walnut Blondies.

WHY??? I mean…seriously. Why? Is it solely to torture me? I’m convinced the answer is yes, because I am truly feeling tormented. While I like chocolate things, I have come to realize over the years that I prefer non-chocolate desserts. Apple pie. Banana bread. Blueberry coffee cake. These are the things that haunt me, that call my name, that make working in the bakery wince-worthy. The good news is that we only make apple pies in the fall, we never make blueberry coffee cake, and the only time I make banana bread is when I’m being a good mother and bake ‘for the children.’

I didn’t really think too much about the potential danger issues when I considered testing Maple Walnut Blondies. It was just another recipe, nothing extraordinary. And then, an irresistible smell filled the bakery, and in an instant, life as I’ve known it shifted just enough to catch me off-guard. You had me at Maple Syrup – one of my favorite food groups. You had me twice at the thought of the roasted walnuts, crunchy and rich. You sealed the deal with the texture…chewy soft perfection. It’s more than dessert: it’s comfort food. It’s cozy, homey, plain enough to make eating it easy yet tasty enough to keep my attention. In other words, it’s hell.

To make matters worse, each little blondie stick needs to be uniform with nice, neat edges. What does that mean, you wonder?

This is what it means. Edges. Everywhere. Those innocuous, minute little pieces of nothingness that longingly stare at me while I try to just do my job. Those ends that really, if you think about it, shouldn’t have too many calories. It would be a shame to waste them, don’t you agree? Maybe I should take them home. For the children, of course. Yes. Take them home. They need a home.

Nah. Screw that. I think it’s much more efficient to just eat them all right now and stop the suffering.

You think my job is glamorous? Well, folks, I’m here to tell you that it is really REALLY hard work.

Damn you, Maple Walnut Blondies.

Blondies – 1   Zucchini – 0